Monday, October 27, 2008

The US Pacifist Party

Presidential Candidate: Bradford Lyttle
Vice-Presidential Candidate: Abraham Bassford
Party Founded: 1983
# of times candidates have been to AK: unknown

"Bradford Lyttle has orgnized [sic] and participated in numerous public rallys [sic] and demonstrations against war, equipment for war, and taxes for war. He has participated in projects to oppose the Vietnam War, the Gulf War against Iraq, and the war in Bosnia. He has traveled to these countries to support peace initiatives of these projects and peace movements in those countries. He has several times been arrested for his non-violent actions."

If the above isn't a comprehensive list of what it takes to become supreme commander of America, I don't know what is.

Brad also looks a bit like Fire Marshall Bill from In Living Color. Other actor/presidents - slashies as they'll now be known - include Ronald Reagan and Harry Truman, who starred in The Truman Show.

Brad's running mate is named Abraham. Many well-known Abrahams have led people. These include Father Abraham, who had many sons, Abraham Lincoln, who started the Civil War, and John Abraham, defensive end for the present-day Atlanta Falcons. He is a "sack master" and anchors my fantasy football team's defense.

The US Pacifist Party seems dedicated to getting America's ass kicked. From their 2008 platform...

"Preparation for nonviolent resistance against possible invasion and occupation attempts; This would include establishment of a national Department of Peace, and an unarmed service corps trained in strategic nonviolent defense and equipped for mobilization anywhere in the world;

"Reduction of the military budget toward zero

"Ending of private logging, grazing, and oil drilling on public lands

"Unrestricted immigration. Health and educations needs of immigrants would be paid for from the hundreds of millions of dollars saved by shutting down the military “defense” system.

"A guaranteed minimum income for U.S. citizens through the establishment of a negative income tax (A negative income tax gives checks to people whose income lies below the poverty level)."

Yes terrorists, we are now open to your occupation. Don't mind the unarmed "peace force."

age: unknown

go make fun of the pacifists here. What will they do about it?

1 comment:

Bryce said...

It would be a little embarrassing to be taken over by a couple of guys with BB guns and a board with a nail in it